I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my life right now and thinking a lot about the things I have worked on in the past, what they’ve meant (or not) and about what I want to do next. I’m thinking about rejection and failure and how these are important things, and how right now, I feel genuinely happy in a deep way I cannot explain.
I don’t need to explain it. I’m not scared this feeling is going to go away, although I know the way I feel can’t last. I’m excited about the future, and maybe the middle of a global pandemic is an odd time to feel this, but also… maybe it’s the perfect time?
Things are going to change, and with change comes opportunity as well as uncertainty.
There are a couple of things I want to share right now.
Recently, I have:
- Finished writing the first book of a fantasy series. – I’ve given it to beta readers, and along with constructive feedback, there have been a lot of compliments. I think I now have something which might be of a publishable quality, and that is exciting and scary, because now I have to do something about it.
- Submitted a short story to an indie press – it’s been a little while since I’ve done anything like this due to working on longer projects, but I really enjoyed writing something new and sending it out into the world. I know for myself, it is a good story, even if not right for that specific publication.
- Applied for a job in the arts which I wasn’t sure I’d be in the running for but which I felt I’d really enjoy. – I didn’t get the job, but I got a very kind, encouraging rejection. Putting the application together also boosted my confidence. My goal was to at least make a connection, and I did that.
- Got offered a job working as a trainer for Mind. This is a mental health charity and for a long time I’ve wanted to work for a non-profit. I want to make a difference and I am so excited to be in a position where I can get paid to do work which is meaningful to me, personally, but also which will hopefully have a wider benefit to others.
- I found this review for the anthology I co-edited, Everything is Spherical https://dyslexiclibrary.com/2017/08/31/telling-our-own-storyies/ — I teared up when I read myself quoted at the top of the page. I didn’t know what that book would mean for me of other people when I was working on it, but it touched someone else, and that is so precious to me.
Today, I don’t feel like I need permission to do the things I want to or to create things I want to create. I think, for a long time I’ve felt that way, had this inner voice saying, ‘who do you think you are to…’ do whatever it was I was doing or wanted to do, but I’ve come to realise you can just do things, sometimes. You could spend your whole life waiting for permission, when the person you most need permission from is yourself.
I’m excited for my next project.
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